Overcoming guilt is like dropping a heavy, unnecessary backpack that you think you need while climbing the mountain of success. You might believe you need to carry it, but in reality, it only makes the journey harder. Guilt, much like that weight, serves no real purpose once you’ve learned from your mistakes.
Overcoming the feeling of guilt, regret, and shame lifts a weight off your shoulders, making progress smoother and more achievable.
As psychologist Dr. Carl Jung once said,
‘I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.’
Letting go of regrets can be challenging, but it becomes easier when you understand why you feel guilty and whether it serves a purpose.
What is Guilt and Why Do We Feel It?
The first thing you need to realize is guilt is not your enemy is the first step in the journey to overcome it ; it’s a natural emotional response. You cannot simply fight it and throw it away. It exists as a guide, helping you recognize your actions so that when you face a similar situation again, you don’t repeat the same mistake.
Guilt is meant to bring you to the contemplation stage of your life. After you reach that stage, all guilt becomes toxic as it can drag you back. I know you might be feeling miserable, but it’s alright, and you can feel guilty for anything:
- Guilt over money – Feeling bad about spending on oneself
- Guilt after eating – Regret over indulging in junk food
- Guilt for being happy – Feeling undeserving of joy when others are struggling
- Guilt from past mistakes – Struggling to forgive oneself
- Guilt from relationships – Feeling responsible for someone else’s emotions
But don’t fall into the “feedback loop from hell”—where you feel guilty about being guilty over small things. Recognizing the source of guilt is the first step toward overcoming it.
How Guilt and Overcoming Guilt Affects Your Life
Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on shame and vulnerability, explains that guilt can be a force for change when approached with self-compassion. When managed correctly, guilt helps people make better ethical choices and act more responsibly in future situations.
When people experience guilt, they often feel a deep need to make amends and improve their future actions. Think of a time when you unintentionally hurt someone you cared about—you likely carried that guilt until you found a way to apologize or make things right. Guilt pushes you to become more mindful of your actions. But there is a twist:
Guilt, if left unchecked, can manifest in several negative ways:
- Paralyzing Decision-Making – Overanalyzing choices due to fear of repeating mistakes. I used to dwell on past mistakes so much that even deciding what to eat for dinner felt overwhelming. But applying certain strategies helped me regain control over my decisions.
- Self-Sabotage – Believing you don’t deserve success, leading to procrastination or failure.
- Reduced Productivity – Constantly ruminating on past actions, leaving little energy for present task. If you want to learn how to have a productive day – Click Here.
- Emotional Drain – Carrying unresolved guilt can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression.
Guilt is meant to be a temporary guide, not a permanent prison. Once you’ve reached the contemplation stage—realizing your mistake, reflecting on it, and understanding what went wrong—it’s time to let go. But if you stay stuck in guilt, it keeps you in that loop, preventing growth. The next step is action—without it, guilt becomes useless, and you’re more likely to repeat the mistake.
Unless you want to stay in the mood of anger, insecurity, and frustration all the time, you need to release your guilt.
How to Overcome Guilt and Reclaim Your Success
Growth starts the moment you decide to stop carrying the weight of past mistakes. The past cannot be changed, but your next step is in your control—choose to move forward.
If you’re ready to break free from guilt and step into a life of growth and productivity, here’s a structured approach:
1. Identify the Source of Your Guilt
Ask yourself these very important three questions :
- What exactly do I feel guilty about?
- Did I actually do something wrong, or am I just perceiving it that way?
- Is this guilt my own, or has someone else placed it upon me?
Shadow work and journaling are great ways to dive deeper into these questions. Writing down your thoughts can help you understand patterns in your guilt and see the bigger picture.
2. Shift Your Perspective
Replace self-blame with self-growth. Instead of saying, “I am a bad person,” say, “I made a mistake, and I am learning from it.”
3. Take Action Where Possible
I remember once gossiping about someone behind their back. The guilt ate at me, so I bought them chocolate and apologized. It wasn’t about the gift—it was about making amends. That small action lifted a weight off my shoulders.
If your guilt stems from something that can be corrected, take action:
- Apologize if necessary.
- Make amends.
- Learn from the mistake and implement change.
- If the situation is out of your control, it’s time to release the guilt and move forward.
Guilt isn’t meant to trap you; it’s a signal to do better. And never react hastily; take a moment to think before taking action. After all, your actions define you, not just your thoughts.
4. Talk About It With Others
I know there are some mistakes you want to take to your grave. But what it does, it buries you in self-judgment ,making you hear only your own perspective on what happened.
Studies show that expressing your felling (either of love , anger , irritation and even guilt) out loud reduces its emotional intensity. Talking to a friend, mentor, or even a stranger online can offer clarity.
When I struggled with guilt, I sent a friend request to someone I barely knew and shared my story. Some responded with kindness, and it helped more than I expected. They didn’t judge me because they didn’t even know me. An outside perspective can shift how you see your mistakes, making it easier to move forward.
5. Spend Time With Yourself
Guilt often arises because we break our own expectations—we want to be a good friend, student, employee, or leader, and when we fail, we feel guilty. Spending time alone through meditation or mindful reflection helps rebuild that trust within yourself. Taking time to process emotions without external distractions makes it easier to move forward.
6. Establish Boundaries
Not all guilt belongs to you. Learn to differentiate between personal responsibility and undue guilt placed upon you by others. For example:
- A mother feeling guilty for working while raising a child.
- A person feeling guilty for prioritizing self-care over others’ expectations.
Healthy boundaries prevent unnecessary guilt from taking control of your life.
7. Accept Imperfection and Move Forward
Success isn’t about never making mistakes—it’s about learning from them and evolving. Regret from the past can stifle creativity and future opportunities. If guilt helps you reflect, it’s useful. If it holds you back, it’s time to let it go.
Do’s and Don’ts of Overcoming Guilt
| Do’s for Overcoming Guilt | Don’ts for Overcoming Guilt |
| Acknowledge your guilt and understand its cause | Avoid suppressing or ignoring guilt |
| Take actionable steps to make amends | Dwell on past mistakes without resolution |
| Talk about it with someone you trust | Keep it bottled up, leading to self-judgment |
| Engage in self-reflection through journaling or meditation | Let guilt control your self-worth |
| Learn from your mistakes and move forward | Stay stuck in the contemplation stage |
If you would like to learn more about overcoming guilt, Andrew Huberman has done a great job at it his podcast lined below.
FAQs on Overcoming Guilt
1. How to overcome guilt of hurting someone?
I know the pain of hurting a loved one—it’s heavy and consuming. But you can’t live in guilt forever. Start by asking yourself: Was it truly your fault? Could you have done something differently? If so, acknowledge it, talk to the person if possible, and make amends. If not, learn from the experience and give yourself permission to heal.
2. Can I stop feeling guilty?
Yes, but it takes conscious effort. Guilt is a signal, not a life sentence. Accept responsibility where necessary, learn from it, and then choose to let it go. Holding onto guilt forever won’t change the past—it only keeps you stuck.
3. How can I prioritize my inner voice over my parents’ or inner critic (superego) when overcoming guilt?
It’s hard when expectations from family or society clash with your personal truth. But remember, your life is yours to live. Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you. Set healthy boundaries, trust your own judgment, and understand that pleasing everyone is impossible.
4. Why do I still feel guilty even after making amends?
Because sometimes, you’re holding yourself to impossible standards. If you’ve taken responsibility and tried to make things right, lingering guilt isn’t productive—it’s self-punishment. Recognize that making amends is enough. Growth means learning to forgive yourself, too.
5. What if I feel guilty over things that aren’t my fault?
Not all guilt is yours to carry. If you constantly feel guilty for things beyond your control, ask yourself: Am I taking responsibility for someone else’s emotions or actions? Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that you deserve peace, too.
Success Spell believes that personal development is a journey of continuous improvement. As Mahatma Gandhi once said, ‘The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.’ Learning from guilt and using it as a tool for growth is part of this journey.
